//delirium//

when the fever sets in, something else controls the body. the throat is burning the body feels paralysed the head keeps spinning and the chest unable to rise.

i dreamt of being chased. i woke up drenched in my own cold sweat. i wanted to call for mak but the throat didnt allow. i felt hot tears as i sat gasping in bed.

all i did thereafter was to utter prayers. i asked forgiveness from Allah. i didnt want to be chased. i didnt want to be hated by Him. i love Him and all my family and friends.

when i become delirious, i feel my sins. there's too much and they're weighing me down. i am sinful. im sorry mak, ambok.

i am sinful.